I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
