dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
