I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize