It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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