I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
