i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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