No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
