some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
