sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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