he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
