Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Enjoy the penises
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
