so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
