sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
