Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
