OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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