im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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