Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize