I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And then my night got REAL pukey
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
