I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
