hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
