your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
