You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
