sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
