apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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