do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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