My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
