If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
