Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
