If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Naked Twister starts at high noon
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
