Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
