Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
