Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
