He disabled his match.com account in front of me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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