I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
