Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
