I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
