I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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