Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
