Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
