You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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