thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
