guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
