my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
