we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
