Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
