There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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