Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
