Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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