the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize