she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
