remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
