yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
