there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
