a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
