She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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