I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
