You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
