...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
