he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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