everyone is single if you try hard enough
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
