his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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