I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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