I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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