omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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