Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just cropdusted the office
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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