I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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