Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
