six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
