love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
