We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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