Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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