How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
be right there i have to get my cape
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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